The Age of Excuses or In Defence of the Most Creative Art... (Part II)

Nor would have the budding Romeos thrived...

Sample this…

Juliet: (furiously) You are late again… What happened???

Romeo: I am so sorry, darling. I was on my way, but I was so busy dreaming about you that I caught the wrong bus.

Juliet: Oh, is that so?... Well, don’t get late next time... By the way, what is that in your hand?

Snip… snip… snip…

And, the love quotient increases.

Or, sample this one…

Juliet: You are late again… all men are like this only (sob… sob…)

Romeo: No darling, I was searching for the most beautiful rose that I could give to you. You see I just can’t give you any ordinary one. After all, you are so special…

Juliet: You liar… I never believe you... By the way... do you really feel so…

Snip… snip… snip…

And, the love quotient increases, again.

Salute comrade, I reaffirm my belief…

Long ago, when the king ruled the land, life was a lot easier. When the postman took the letter, there was really no scope for any proof that you really sent the said letter and it was such an easy task for people to deny the receipt of it. (Note: I don’t deny the existence of some complicated mechanism, but for the sake of argument, let’s keep it simple… anyway, a romantic card in a registered parcel would look more like a court summon than anything else)

Sigh… gone are those days.

Some wisecrack misanthrope thought of getting his 15 minutes of fame and devised the e-mail system with a sent box, storing all copies for future reference, and thought he has a winner in his hand. But, he underestimated men’s (and women’s) potential… he couldn’t hide his back from the onslaught of Server down / PC not working / Net not connecting, etc., etc…

Wretched duffer… overestimated himself... learnt a lesson at his own expenses.

It would have been such a pity had people stopped making excuses.

Aha, those were the days, when I could sneak from the school for that all-important gilli-danda (for all those uninitiated… it’s a primitive form of baseball / cricket, played with 2 sticks, one long, other small… almost extinct nowadays) by just feigning an ache in the stomach…

But, I became complacent and got caught as I relied on the same excuse over and over again… till a chance discovery taught me that you could also stay away from school when your granny was hospitalized… eureka… I reaped a lot from this latest discovery till one proud (and greedy) moment I confided it to a friend for a few lollypops and… the next day, at least 5 of us had their grannies hospitalized for the same reason…

A very important lesson for our tribe… whether you have chanced upon an excuse, or for that matter any trade secret… even MMS… don’t sell it for nuts. The IIT lad landed in jail and I still remember the crackling canes…

From the wannabe heroine who is ready to expose because the scene demands it… (Well, what excuse the porn stars have??? You guessed it right… the scene demands it)... to the item “Kantaa Lagaa” girls on a mission to cleanse the society of age-old barbarian practices, to the new kid in the office who would sneak an evening with his newly wed, to the balding officer who would rather stay with the beautiful secretary than his nagging wife, excuses have always helped mankind stay hale and hearty.

Let’s look at some more benefits… the student gets reduced punishments or at least, extra time for homework, if s/he can come up with a believable excuse... the employee can goof up and still please his boss with a more creative one... and the bespectacled government clerk can get more boxes of sweets for his children if he can come up with some real smart ones laced with subtle hints to the petitioner.

Of all the excuses given by anyone in earth, the ones by the politicians would rank amongst the best… same issues, same excuses… year after year... elections after elections… such priceless gems… you couldn’t become more consistent. They, with their consistency vow, have saved countless brain-hours & the exchequer millions of rupees by not wasting time and money in futile hunts for newer issues.

Cheers… the time and money could be used for better purposes… hic…

The list is endless. And, I am not counting the mother of all excuses… WMD…

Mr. President (in his Texan drawl): Pardner… you justa can’t ruin that goddamn country to ashes with no other method.

To support the cause of the tribe in general, here you are reminded of an incident concerning the almighty. When asked, why there are so much of imperfections in this world, HE, the almighty, resorted to the men’s patented art and proffered the excuse that it is part of a strategy to balance his creation…

Look, we are in good company.

P.S. The creatively challenged can still hope to match their more fortunate brethren with the help of this most wonderful invention since the wheel.. The Random Excuse Machine

Till next time... Ciao.

The Age of Excuses or In Defence of the Most Creative Art... (Part I)

I shudder from the thought of a world without excuses.

Not convinced? All right, let’s see why it is so.

We start with the basics... the definition... though a very bland one for something that brings out the creative best in people. An Excuse is defined as "An act to explain (a fault or an offense) in the hope of being forgiven or understood." (Reference: Dictionary.com).

Great people have condemned this act and its (supposed) absurdity. Excuses are considered as the example of utter incompetence… But, they have preferred to overlook its virtues. Let's give it it's due and view it in a more positive light.

I consider an act of making excuses as the biggest phenomenon in earth. When the need arises, even the most autistic deadwood, also, can come up with lots of good excuses that one has never heard before. Hence, the first lesson... Life would be less interesting without this biggest (I repeat... biggest) phenomenon on earth.

Stay put, my dear friend, we are going to come across lots more as we progress along...

Despite all concerted efforts to denounce this phenomenon, this has thrived, and is thriving well. The most pertinent example for this is the fact that, we still make it... and we are getting better at that everyday. Shows the tenacity of men (and women) in the face of savage onslaught...

Before the anti-modernist come out, and start making all those noises, let me assure you, this is not a modern media creation. This is an age-old art, which has inspired many interesting episodes since long... and helped in mending many a broken heart.

The Holy Bible lists many instances where excuses were given. Let's start with the primary one...

(Genesis 2:16-17) And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

When confronted with their sin Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent slinked away.

(Genesis 3:12-13) And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

Look at the positives. If Adam and Eve would not have come out with such a beautiful excuse, the whole human race would have become so boring… so utterly plain… and we all would have certainly missed those Bangaru-sque lines from our daily newspapers (“Oh, I was just taking money for the party’s cause...”).

Next is The Age of Excuses or In Defence of the Most Creative Art... (Part II)